Eye

I should probably get in the shower. 

I am waiting for another day at work, wishing that I could escape for a while from my bonds of Hy-Vee and spend the night talking again. I have so much more to talk about, more to ask. I want to satisfy my intense hunger for information about his life and experiences, I want to know what makes him tick. I have had a miniscule taste of what he has to tell and my mouth and mind water uncontrollably for more. 

I find myself distraught by the fact that I can so easily find myself longing to be with another person so soon after losing a person I thought was dear to me. Well, really I suppose I'm not terribly distraught, more or less confused. I don't want to make him the final stepping stone in my path over deep dark waters towards recovery. Although, I think that may be impossible to avoid, no matter what our relationship becomes or continues to be. 

I long so badly to explain how I feel, to open the air to my dreams and hope that something comes of it. Tell him that no matter what, I would be a friend and nothing more or less depending on his feelings. I have no wishes to smother or control, just wishes to be close. It is rare to find someone of such high intelligence and honor that is willing to befriend you, and torture when you begin to fall for them hopelessly. 

I will continue on my journey through experimentation with my theory. Continue to tell myself that there is no hope and to believe so is to feed a ruthless and destructive fantasy. I feel as though I am a child, dreaming of an intellectual prince. I wish I could control my subconscious; tell it that I do not wish to be bothered with such pleasant dreams and please, stop coming into my head at night. 

I suppose I will shower now.