I just want to love.

I love him with as much of my soul and being as I could ever allow myself to love someone. He is tearing me apart. If you love me so unconditionally, why are there conditions? Why do you read something that "popped up in a tab" some blog that I have no clue about talking about my sexual history? I don't even know...

I will not allow other people to dictate my moods.

I will not allow other people to control my thoughts.

I will not allow other people to tell me my feelings.

I will not allow...

...myself to fall in again.

I'm getting really tired of feeling like everyone hates me. This is obviously a product of my overworking and under enjoying life at this exact moment. Perhaps things will be different in a week. As far as I'm concerned, that couldn't go any faster or slower right now. Seriously. I want to enjoy my time at home, but I'm so sick of being around so many people I don't like that I'm exhausted by my extreme need to show them that I really do like them, honest, which is obviously false. I really couldn't give a shit, but then people wouldn't like me and we'd end up back at the beginning of this paragraph. Fuck. Paradox.

I am incredibly interested in writing and reading about Modern Greek writers this semester, especially since I get to learn on my own terms and read and write on my own incentives. I've chosen two books for my independent studies course, Beyond Broken Statuses: Modern Greek Short Stories and Mauthausen the latter being about a concentration camp during the second world war for Greek Jews and other offenders. There's a certain air of disparity throughout Greek history, I really love it.

Good afternoon! I only just now realized that it was close to five p.m. Although I'm not a believer in anything Christian, I do love Christmas, and the way it usually makes people feel so Merry Christmas.