Lines to the Middle of Nowhere.

I am trying not to vomit. I'm not entirely sure what would come up. I feel as if there's nothing there to lose. Freedom, more than likely. I wish I could avoid being devastated like this and making such a sobbing fool of myself. There are so many things I want to tell you but none of them matter because you've already made up your mind. Well, I feel like you have. You're already gone. Hugging you was like hugging someone I love dearly but they're sick or lost or gone. You weren't actually there were you. I'm dreaming aren't I? I'm dizzy enough to be floating through my door into the cold living room and settling down five months ago with you, watching a movie in the hot sticky summer night. The winter of my demise. I don't know why I can't be everything for you. "I love you too, I just don't know if it's in the same way." I'm crying to clog my nose, so that when I lay here in my bed tonight, trying so desperately to fall...

Sittin on a fence post, chewin my bubblegum.

I am sitting outside the snow falling silently softly lands on my dark blue jeans. My surface body temperature cold enough for the minute flakes to linger. Seconds later melting into tiny water-spots covering my body: 99.2 degrees. The quiet beauty of snow silences the bustle of trailer-park repairs and renovations. I’ve fallen off the bandwagon today, this cigarette led me to the outside releasing me into this white world. Slowly puffing I regret torture done to my lungs as a wave of nausea brings me to my knees, repent. The dropped cigarette burns slowly into smoke down to the filter, carbon monoxide. From my knees, weak with pain, I retch defiling the soft, pure snow. Three days meals gone uneaten, pure acid wastes through the frozen ground. I rest lean back on my heels to settle the stomach, enjoy a moment in this winter. Our winter.

Right now I'm watching an interesting show on The Learning Channel called 17 Kids and Counting. A brief synopsis: Ultra Conservative Baptist family adhering to the Quiverfull ideology. (a few links here Duggar Family Creeps and Quiverfull Ideals ) In my opinion, having a large family is fantastic, by "large family" I mean 4, 5, or 6. Enough children for a parent to manage while still keeping a slight idea of sanity. The Duggar family is much too large. According the to their wiki page and Duggarfamily.com ( Duggar Website ) they have 17 children, number 18 due on New Year's Day 2009. The family itself is only manageable because the older children are forced to participate in the "buddy program." This program pairs a young child with and older child and that older child is responsible for the younger throughout the day. They help with phonics, get the child meals, and also help the child through daily activities. Essentially, they are taking the place of the...